I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who died my cat blue again?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
