Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
