well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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