I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love you. Go after that dick
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
