There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were destined to go to rehab together
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All the doctor said was why
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
