remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
