6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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