why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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