she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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