shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
