I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
