I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
