I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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