I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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