I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize