I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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