Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
