It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
