I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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