nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
