happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
