after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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