And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
