Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
