i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This is the high leading the old right now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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