Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
