Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
