onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
