Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
