I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
