Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
