Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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