You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
