You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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