Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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