1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
