:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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