If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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