yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
