I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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