What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
