i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
