i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
