I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
