It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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