i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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