that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
