She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
