1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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