chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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