The maid of honor just puked.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
