Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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