I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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