you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
