Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
