so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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