You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize