sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
