Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
