She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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