I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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