Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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