Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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