I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is Oprah even human
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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