she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
