If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
