I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You left your phone here
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