i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
